In The Bleak Two Rivers – a Wheel of Time poem

Hello again.

If you don’t remember my Thomas Covenant retelling of Twas the Night Before Christmas, then… follow this link and then you will!

As I finished reading the Wheel of Time only this year, I thought it was only fair to celebrate Christmas the Wheel of Time way as well. Without further ado, and again, can’t guarantee that this will make any sense to anyone who hasn’t had the magical Robert Jordan feat. Brandon Sanderson experience of the Wheel of Time… MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Also, sing along!

In the Bleak Two Rivers

In the bleak Two Rivers
Machin Shin made moan.
Earth stood hard as iron,
Rand’s heart like a stone.
Men had fallen, men on men,
Men on men,
In an age long past which
Will surely come again.

Forsaken cannot kill him,
Now Aes Sedai control;
People hate and fear his
Reincarnated soul.
He shall break the Aiel,
And briefly rule Andor:
The Dragon Almighty,
Rand al’Thor.

Enough for him, whom ladies
Worship day and night,
A heron-branded sword
And the Trolloc hordes to fight.
Enough for him whom peasants
Caper at the view,
Egwene and Mat and Perrin
Who fight too.

Seanchan and ta’veren
May have gathered there.
Creator and Shai’tan
Hovered in the air.
But only three ladies,
In their lustful bliss,
Worshipped the new Dragon
With a kiss.

What can I give Rand?
What can I award?
If I were Lord Perrin,
I would forge a sword.
If I were Mat Cauthon
I would give my luck.
There’s only one sacrifice:
Read those bloody books.


You may notice that I have occasionally wrecked the original rhythm of the three syllables in the last line. To you I say, oh well. It still fits the tune of the song (and honestly better than the dragged out “lo-ong a-ago” rhythm that you end up with at the end of every verse).

Some of you may also notice that the last verse contains a “luck/book” rhyme, and this may not work in your accent. To you I say, sucks to be you, because it works beautifully in mine <3

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